~ TheOldBarbershop ~: The Perfect Sunday

"TheOldBarbershop" - created along the lines of the old barbershops, same but different, where folks would gather to visit with friends - share life experiences - tall tales - or maybe discuss politics, religion, sports, news, weather, current affairs or just about anything interesting or imaginable

- "the free right to unbounded exercise of reason and freedom of opinion" - characters with character preferred ... "the only barbershop in the civilized world with such a veritable smorgasbord of divers and sundry features, all perpetrated by the most incomparable and sapient, albeit infamous, conglomeration of colorful characters ever assembled" ... with a little help from the misadventures of our friends in Washington, the Media, Major League Baseball, and the Atlanta Braves.

We thought it might be good to tell folks a bit about the old barbershop, its history and its barbers ... somehow I got elected ... that's another way of saying that the Southern Jackass is a whole bunch bigger than me!Miss Carol says I'm an old rambling wreck from Georgia Tech ... and all four are true, but I ain't no engineer! It ain't by intent that I ramble but as you'll see, it takes me four pages to write what others do in less than one ... advance sincere apologies! If you've read our story then welcome back! If not ... you don't know what you been missing ... Oh Boy! Please take a moment and find out why we call it Plato's Place!

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hello all

The Old Barbershop, circa 300 b.c. ... its first proprietor was also the founder of the Democratic Party though I understand he didn't attend this year's convention, some say it was due to gas prices but, I don't think he was invited ... nice fellow by the name of Democritus, though his shop didn't really start out having no name. Methinks you'll recognize the names of some the lead barbers during those early days: Anaxagoras, Empedocles, Parmenides, Xenophanes, and Socrates. Plato watched Socrates who taught him everything he knew about cutting hair ... turned the shop over to Plato and went fishing with Isaac Newton. Plato designed a complete set of new bowls ... of different sizes and shapes, and some high quality cutting tools too ... truly an advancement in the technology of the day ... and, man could he cut hair ... that was in about 387 b.c., based on some of his manuscripts recently sold on EBAY, that were so dated. He got so famous that the shop became known as Plato's Place, and the lead barbers that followed were famous too ... Speusippus, Xenocrates, Polemon, Crates, and Crantor ... every one a member of the Barbering School Hall of Fame. Plato's Braves

That's right, Plato's Place was a barbering school ... that's why some folks called it Plato's Academy ... he set the standard for barbershops ... they even had music for the barbers and patrons to listen to ... they talked about most anything and everything, including the Athens' Braves ... free candy and grapes too, same as us ... only different. Aristotle was a long time patron, cut a good head of hair, and made the hall too, but was never the Place's lead barber. Arcesilaus bought out Plato's Place in 265 b.c. ... remodeled and renamed it "The New Barbershop" ... ever since then, folks have referred to Plato's Place as "The Old Barbershop" ... it was before my time but folks say Plato hung a sign over the door to his Place ... "No free Hair Cuts" ... no, methinks that was something Polonius said to Laertes ... Plato's sign supposedly read "Let no one who cannot think geometrically enter". We looked for that sign all over the shop ... even under the floor and in the attic ... never did find it ... but, back in the Back Room under all the trash was a battered old sign ... so caked with dirt and crud that you couldn't even tell it was a sign ... not until we used some ST37 to clean it up ... "No Free Hair Cuts" ... it's true! we checked the county records and they show that Laertes owned the old barbershop long before we bought it. Dang! Double Dang!! Well that's a mighty valuable artifact ... and it would be neat to use it, but the Southern Jackass(SJA) thought it best that we hone our skills and get more patrons before adopting such a rule. Most folks would've been satisfied but finding that old sign really piqued my interest and I renewed the search for other treasures ... more money in finding such things than in barbering, methinks ... and besides, no folks to get mad when you snip off a piece of their ear. I finally found what I was looking for ... that's right, the ancient old sign that Plato hung up in the shop, back when it first opened ... "never give up" ... no, that's what I say, not the sign ... the sign reads "Let no unfair or unjust person enter" ... well, that's not exactly what folks thought it said ... but it was Greek to them so they didn't really know. old barber

Yes, I misuse and abuse this language I love ... sometimes even intentionally ... but, we must first laugh at outselves if we are to laugh with others ... and even were that not the case, folks usually see and hear what they expect and/or desire. Where am I headed? ... only TheShadow

The ShadowThe Shadow knows for sure, and he hasn't told me a thing ... there may be some misdirection for effect, but chances are it'll simply be me getting my bearings and changing course ... gee, haw, mush, whoa! We in the old barbershop like both Grand Opera and the Grand Ole Opry ... ain't much difference ... good barbershop too! Oops, almost forgot ... here in the new old barbershop, you have to stay alert ... else, no telling what you're liable to miss! We, especially me, like to embed hidden polls, audio, and video ... other stuff too! Them poles is pretty easy to spot ... you'll know when you see one ... just remember to toggle the pole to open and close. Whenever you see words in blue, likely as not there's an audio, video, or something else hidden behind it ... a single click is all it takes, well sometimes two. Speaking of getting your bearings and changing course ... you see where it says pages followed by them numbers in purple boxes ... I sometimes use multiple pages and this is just page one! Luckily for you, I'm the only one what does ...

Sometimes I think all great thoughts have done been thunk ... and all great deeds done been did ...Methinks it's as easy to become victimized by an overwhelming sense of irrelevance as it is by an unwarranted sense of relevance or self-importance ... I'm not sure which claims more victims, but there are a whole bunch of us that have tasted both ... that's for sure! ... Seems the old barbershop is all about history ... Our old friend the Christmas Stealer writes about it ... The "Weed's" dad teaches it ... Miss Carol studied it and we're all living it, whether or not we so realize. And, from a baseball perspective, for the last three years, come the All Star break, the Braves were it ... history. What we are, we are ... what we've been is history ... what we're going to be ... and do ... is history waiting to be written. As a result of what is, it's anticipated that changes are in store for the Braves ... we've already had some ... and more are yet to come, or so methinks ... ... and yes, for the old barbershop too! Dang, Double Dang! Oh the humanity!! ... There's nothing wrong with the Braves!! We can win it all, mostly with what we've got ... it's not a matter of money ... the talent hasn't disappeared ... it's the heart, soul, leadership and those things above the neck that may need fixing! We're still on the outside looking in ... but, close your eyes, use your ken ... there's nothing wrong with your vision, the picture's crystal clear ... No, I don't think this is going to be about baseball ... maybe, but rather what we've been ... what we are ... and what we can or will be. Mama always said ... and Daddy agreed ... first impressions are important, only in that they're hard to overcome ... and Daddy emphasized that it may take a man some time to establish his good reputation ... but only a moment to destroy it! Many of us can attest to the validity of that ... including me, Bobby Cox and the Braves methinks ... at least one or two Understood perhaps by few, and rejected by those who are victims of an unwarranted sense of self, is that we ourselves are the ones most responsible for the perceptions held of us by others ... Why all this talk about baseball and the Atlanta Braves here in the old barbershop? The answer is simple ... history! Jimmy Smith (JJS), The Southern Jackass (SJA) and I first "met" on a baseball blog sponsored by a "fishwrap" known as the "Atlanta Journal & Constitution" or the "AJC" ... yes, and young Matthew too. Miss Carol and I met long ago, back when Plato was still running the Shop, methinks I was intrigued by that blog ... well, to be honest, mostly it was this poor, befuddling Africian journalist from Uganda who seemed to be preoccupied with toes and their relevance to baseball performance. I couldn't help but feel embarrassed for him ... but, he had his tiger by the toe and wasn't about to let go, I thought. Because of my friendship with others from East Africa, I was aware of some of the many cultural differences, including their thinking and manner of self expression ... though I must admit that his were unique. While my experiences with them had never involved baseball ... soccer, a game of the feet, was a different story ... and of course, they were all into walking, running and bicycling. It did help explain his preoccupation with toes, I thought ... In spite of his awkwardness; his strange third person and lowercase manner of self expression ... for some reason I found him rather humorous and insightful. It wasn't until some time later that I found out that all that was but a sham ... there was no Jimmy Smith, Ugandan journalist ... that was just a character he made up to fool folks, like the screen masks the others wore, only different! His real name is James Jeffery Smith, born right there in Georgia, same as me ... his grandfather had brought his family over from Uganda back in 1941 as things were heating up in North Africa, settling in Cordele. All this knowledge he had about Africa came from what he was told by his daddy and granddaddy growing up ... and more recently, visits to his relatives back in Kampala. No matter what you may have heard, that's the real skinny! Regardless of the sham, or perhaps because of it, ... for better or worse, he's the real reason for my participation on the AJC's Braves' blog! Regarding the changing of perceptions held by others, Mama said "tain't easy McGee" Fibber McGee

... after the 'Fibber' ... "but, telling folks they're wrong is a knife that ain't gonna cut soft butter, much less the cake" ... Speaking of which, I can attest to that too ...

I knows that my abilities at self-expression are severely limited, and my bouts of "hoof-in-mouth" disease are infamous in some circles ... but, mine are always good intentions, at least I so rationalize, and do certainly so hope ... No, tain't easy McGee, but that's life and it's a ride that's been worth the taking, methinks ... and I'm appreciative of all who have tried to understand ... me, us and what we're about. I'm especially appreciative of the few crazies who have an understanding and appreciation of my own distorted sense of humor and what I sometimes try to seriously convey ... and all the resulting friendships ... goodness ... This isn't where I was headed ... how did I get here? ... or is it hear?

Yes, the insights, imagination and wit of James Jeffery Smith, the Ugandan journalist of Cordele (JJS) ... these are among my most favorite things. More importantly, he's my friend! Jimmy Smith

Nobody knows what Jimmy really looks like, at least until now ... he can say more with a couple of words and a picture than most of us can in two or three pages ... you'll find proof positive on the walls of the Shop and his frequent comments!

There you'll also find his ward and our favorite columnist, Baby Seal ... and his entourage of some very special friends! Like the wonderful Sarah Cannon said more often than I say "methinks" ... "Howdeeee! I'm jest so proud to be here!" with these two unbelievable talents ... and if that sounds contrived to you, then kiss my grits! No, I wouldn't wish my grits on anyone ... I don't eat 'em myself ... but, it's true, every word, give or take a lie or two!

Yes, the "Southern Jackass" was there too when I arrived ... No need to put up no picture, everybody knows what he looks like ... he's made sure of that and he's self named too ... did his best to convince folks he was what he seemed to be! Did a good job, he did ... some may wonder how it is that "SJA" received total and unequivocal acceptance from Bob, journalist ... while others did not? Have you ever pondered that? ... I'm sure some have and their conclusions would be most interesting. Could be it's because we're so much alike ... or maybe that opposites attract. I'll never tell ... but, I started calling him "The Southern Jackass, Most Honorable", almost from the beginning! I will tell you too that when he asked if I would like to help him fix this place up and maybe cut some hair, I thought he was plum crazy ... but being his friend, I couldn't rightly say no! It would have helped some had he told me that he was a master barber and the best danged wordsmith and story teller in the whole wide world! We're all unique ... it's just that the Southern Jackass and the Ugandan Journalist are so much more unique than others! It's hard to comprehend such creative genius ... but it's awfully easy to enjoy! ... For some strange reason, JJS gave me the title of "journalist" ... maybe because we took the Atlanta Journal when I was a little boy ... I thought it was a joke but it made me feel good that he did! The original Bob, journalist was far more of a character than a mask ... though that was never understood, for better or for worse, regardless of my repeated efforts to make it clear. However, my preoccupation with the importance of understanding meaning, motivation and intent rather than words was, and is, me ... like Jeffery says, what a man says is more than just a bunch of words strung together. The rumor that I psychoanalyze is ill founded too, a misconception and a joke ... indeed, it's something about which I know nothing, except that it's a big word ... but I do know the "why" is usually more important than the "what" ... as is effective use of the third eye and ear more important than the use of the other two, or is it four? Excluding those most severely victimized by an overwhelming sense of irrelevance, most of what the majority of us do is either agenda or self-interest driven. That's both good and bad depending on how well it's kept in proper perspective, or so I honestly believe ... of course I do support some agendae, oppose others ... stand up, stand up I say ... for that in which you believe ... better that than staying seated, methinks ... the King of England and taxes you know. "When you don't stand up for what you believe in ... it's much the same thing as standing up for those things you don't!" ... we didn't find no such sign but my guess is that Plato probably taught that in his barbering school. It seems to me that among those many forces deep down inside that causes the Southern Jackass to be what he is ... is a true blue, foursquare compulsion ... God didn't pass that around to everybody. For some, nay for many, friendships are a matter of convenience ... friends are but bedfellows based on agenda, and when the chips are down or adversity must be faced, those folks come up short, or at least those friendships become fractured ... not so with SJA and JJS ... They have that compulsion while most of us do not ... perhaps they do because we don't ... I believe we should, but I'm not sure it's a reasonable expectation. Compulsion or no, my friendships are not agenda based, and I treasure my friends ... all of them! I'm somehow reminded of having once been told of someone's disappointment in my liking folks who didn't like them ... 'twas the wrong thing to say! ...

In the Shop, I talk a lot about mirrors and self-portraits ... the perception that others have is one thing, how we see ourselves is another. The notion of mirrors and self-portraits ... seemed rather easy to grasp ... but, when you try to grab hold of it, things just ain't as simple as they might seem, ... ; Registration code (if you have it) ; Reglink opened in new frame? ; Name of new frame for reglink ; resolution (1-8) ; pause (value = milliseconds). ; Num. of horizontal tiles ; Num. of vertical tiles ; Num. steps for tile rotation (8 .. 32) ; Optional background image ; Red in background (0 .. 255) ; Green in background (0 .. 255) ; Blue in background (0 .. 255) ; Optional image over applet ; Over image X offset ; Over image Y offset ; Memory deallocation delay ; Task priority (1..10) ; Min. milliseconds/frame for sync Please download Java(tm). danged if some self-portraits aren't almost photographic in their reproduction while some mirrors give distorted renderings of reality. It's not enough to just use any old mirrors for reflection ... they must be of the right stuff and kind. I talk a lot about things of which I know nothing too, but if I didn't, I wouldn't have anything to say ... it's another thing that differentiates SJA and JJS from most methinks ... SJA's ability to reflect and look deep down inside ... and to be honest with himself ... is rare ... at least my experience has been that most either cannot or are unwilling to so do ... it is not just coincidence or happenstance that Polonius, a secondary character, is among the best remembered of the Bard's creations ... for his advice to his son Laertes ... "to thine own self be true" Why? Methinks it's because of recognition, not only of it's importance, but also it's rarity as an innate quality ... and for those who try, the difficulty lies within it's effecting ... I'm envious of this jackass, true blue and foursquare, who knows himself so well ... it's that for which I always strive but almost always fail ...

Most of us hear it ... then knowingly nod, hardly giving it another thought ... but, nothing much compares with it's profundity ... It's hard to find a post I've written that doesn't mention me mama. It's true that I sometimes take a little license when referring to Mama ... but, my mother is the picture I try to paint. She admonished me, it seems like 10,000 times, when I articulated and/or apologized for my weaknesses, limitations and faults ... "that's my boy you're talking about ... careful what you say"! She did far more than that when others joined in and articulated my weaknesses, limitations and faults! ... Now you have my perception of JJS and the true blue and foursquare Southern Jackass ... but after so writing and reflecting, I'm not sure that I can answer the questions ... truth is, I've forgotten what they were! However, it was rather obvious that them two were something other than how they were being perceived ... honest, consistent, of good heart, and opposed to apathy was the impression I then shared with others and I can assure you that I am now sure that they are indeed that ... that, and oh so much more! They're my friends, JJS and SJA ... so careful what you say!

Mother knew Polonius ... and agreed with him too ... though she would loan anyone in need anything she had, without expectation of it being returned, including money. Like Houseman's wisdom ... Mama's words weren't truly appreciated until long after they were received .. though they were the topic of frequent discussion ... Being true to yourself ... knowing yourself .. the individual behind the many masks ... it's a rare gift, perhaps the rarest of all .. the trick methinks, is knowing how to use it ... Knowing who and what we are ... recognizing our limitations ... shortcomings ... and weaknesses ... that's power that the majority of humanity does not possess. Unfortunately, those few so gifted frequently turn it into a liability rather than an asset. They allow the realization of their limitations ... shortcomings ... weaknesses ... and past failures or rejections to give them fear of failure rather than confidence in success as it should ... and when adversity is encountered, they see history repeating itself ... oftentimes giving up in frustration rather than defining and addressing the problems ... Those who confuse self-portraits with mirrors admire themselves and blindly go forth with total confidence, for they believe they possess all the answers, usually surrounding themselves with non-threatening, kindred spirits ... they are the truly enlightened! ... Say it ain't so Joe! ...

Back to the trick ... Thanks to Prince Albert Gore's invention ...

that which he purloined from Vinton Cerf methinks ... everyone has a potential audience of millions ... nay, billions I say ... and with such potential, folks can easily get disciples and a flock, no matter what it is they're preaching ... Polonius ... Mama ... Jesus Christ ... Buddha, and the Dalai Lama too ... they each said ... to thine own self be true! In plain talk, don't apostatize! Mama's admonishment was out of concern that I would allow critical self-evaluation to undermine my self-confidence, thus preventing me from being all that I could be ... and though I protested, methinks her concerns were probably well justified ... just think, I coulda been a contender ... I coulda been somebody! I'm still uncertain of where I was going and not really sure of where I've been ... but here we are, right back where we started again ... Yes, "TheOldBarbershop" is about history too ... we are what we are as a result of our experiences! Our views ... interests ... memories ... stories ... decisions ... beliefs, our likes and dislikes too ... all reflect our past history ... I hope others will share theirs with us ... in so doing, they'll be making history too ... TheOldBarbershop is diverse from most ... or I would so hope ... if not, you can rest assured that's it's soon going to be. "No Free Hair Cuts Here" ... well, maybe one or two, but everybody carries his weight ... our sign, all polished up and ready to be hung, is the one methinks Plato first so did, right here in the shop some 875,000 days ago, give or take a few ... "Let no unfair or unjust person enter." No, we ain't replacing no mirrors ... though we're going to watch them close ...

and if you can't think geometrically, that's okay ... the three of us can't cut hair neither, were it not for them bowls, but as you can see ... it was that or jail for Jimmy, SJA and me! It's done wonders for us too ... I've slept at the Holiday Inn Express twice, methinks SJA's becoming more famous than Chill Wills and jimmy smith is getting ready for a serious run for the Presidency! We truly love sports and our team(s) and that will always be on the agenda ... but for goodness sake, there are so many Braves' blogs already out there ... and Tigers ... and Mets ... and Yankees ... and Cards ... and Orioles too, just to name a few ... Ashu, our young barbering buddy from India loves Cricket and is a Manchester United fan too ... so have no fear, you can always talk sports here! Our vision is to feature a flow of diverse topics such as world affairs, politics, religion, tall tales, current events, true stories pertaining to actual life events and sports, including the Braves ... some topics that aren't presently being discussed on most of the other sites, and those which may not be warmly welcomed on many others ... topics such as those you might find if you walked into an old barbershop on a busy Saturday morning ... just a friendly and lighthearted atmosphere, with everyone being treated equal ... simply a place where folks feel welcome and comfortable discussing whatever might be on their minds ... a place that ultimately stands on no other foundation than that of the strength of it's characters and quality of it's content ... To this end we've added some "Special Features" and as with the Braves, more changes are yet to come and the future looks mighty bright indeed!

We've been truly blessed to add first Matthew then Miss Carol and now Ashu too ... to help with the barbering chores ... from three characters to six! There's always room for one or 100 more ... whether it be occasionally or all the time! You got a story to write, a memory to share ... or something important to say where comments won't do it justice, we'll find a barber's chair ... put your name on it, and figure out a way to git her did! It don't really have to be important ... What is important is that we share ... thoughts, ideas, memories, stories, and yes, recipes too ... if we don't, chances are, one day they'll be lost forever! Plato and them boys knew that. If we can bring a smile or two, maybe sometimes a tear ... cause somebody to pause and ponder ... and in the process make a new friend ... beats making money, now don't it?! Well, that's a bit about us ... folks that have read what I've writ know that Daddy said "you can't tell much about a man by listening to his well rehearsed and memorized spiel" ... he said that a long time ago but it's still true ... maybe more than ever before! For the few who have read this far ... you're either a glutton for punishment, a relative, or a throwback as rare and treasured as any antique, regardless of your age! The fad these days seems for everybody to network and add as many FRIENDS as possible ... we too want to add as many friends as possible ... we have no ads for you to see or click ... we're looking to make friends, real friends ... we hope you'll visit often and will take the time to leave a comment or two, if only to say hi, each and every time you do! Your comments are important to us barbers ... how else can we know if you want a Flattop, Mohawk or Mullet ... your nails polished or buffed? And besides, they make our day! While time changes most everything, our Proprietor's original greeting was truly

inspired ... and it's one thing that won't ... "Welcome to "TheOldBarbershop" ... characters with character preferred, ladies too ... please take a seat and wait your turn ... leaf through a magazine or shoot the breeze with a friend ... when it's your turn in the barber's chair, be ready to share an interesting story, a tall tale or whatever is on your mind ... tips encouraged and appreciated ... no topic off-limits ... if you can't behave, use profanity, pick fights or spit on the floor you will politely be shown the door" ... "Let no unfair or unjust person enter." That means we welcome all beliefs and points of view ... just keep it fair and keep it just ... that's a must! No free haircuts except on special occasions but the candy's always on the house! No matter the grandiloquence, regardless the form ... this is what "TheOldBarbershop" is to us ... this is where our passions lie ... it's of little significance whether we have a multitude of visitors each day ... or just a few ... as one good friend said, "to thine own self be true, to hell with the naysayers!"

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I knowed it, I knowed it ... Mark McGuire CHEATED ... good training for a hitting coach!!! Coach, what do you suggest I do? Well son, this is what worked for me!!

TheSouthernJackAss' Stall!	Issues Facing Sports	Thoughts From Centerfield	Barbers International	Miss Carol's Salon ...
Links To The Old Barbershop's Special Features
Humor, Satire, Tall Tales ... all with a kick ... from the one and only ...	Tiger Woods	Braves Making Noise, Covering MLB Rumor Mill	Our Man In India	Ask Miss Know It All Incident At Niihau
Barbershop's Cookbook	Barbershop Poles	Magic Moments	Gone - Not Forgotten	Non-Political Politics
... Favorite Family Recipes ... Grandma's Teacakes		Priceless!	Alex Lees

Sunday, August 24, 2008

The Perfect Sunday

The Perfect Sunday ... Until This Year

Until this year, Sunday afternoons were the perfect times for this preacher. Walt, Matt, and Jenny

Upon arriving home from church, a great meal was ready (usually a beefalo roast or lemon pepper chicken breasts with potatoes, carrots, and onions). Then, while the baby and mommy took their naps, this preacher brought his sweet tea to the recliner, leaned back and tuned it to Skip and Pete, or Joe and Chip, to hear how the Bravos were going to fight their way back into the division race.

For the last four years, Sunday afternoons went this way. Last year was very sad, losing the Braves on TBS to different corporate direction. For a Braves fan since 1990, living in Northeast Arkansas, TBS was my pipeline to all things Atlanta Braves. As Solomon (or was it the Byrds) wrote, to everything (turn, turn, turn) there is a season (turn, turn, turn). But it was particularly difficult for me to turn off the broadcast after the Astros game ended TBS’s partnership with the Braves.

I still have it on my DVR-I just don’t have the heart to delete it. Listening to Skip thank the fans for their support and then signing off to the video essay made me realize how fortunate we Braves fans were for the last 30 plus years. Just think.

If we had been Royals, Orioles, or Mariners fans, we would have had no national TV broadcasts, unless our team was being drummed by the Yankees or Red Sox.

Speaking of Skip, I have to say that I mourned his Grandaddy, Grandma, sis and me

passing for reasons far more personal than being a Braves fan. In 1990, my grandfather introduced me to the Braves on TBS. Skip and Pete were our best friends for eight years in-season dominance and postseason disappointment (except for that magical ’95 season).

I lost Granddaddy to cancer in ’97 (he would have been 87 this past August) but I still had Skip and Pete to give me a connection to him. With Skip’s passing, one more link has been silenced. As long as Pete calls the games on the radio, I’ll maintain that link to a happy past, and I pray that my son (named for Granddaddy) will grow up in time for me to turn on the radio and explain why the somewhat-nasal voice means so much to me. Thanks Skip and Pete, for bringing the passion of Braves baseball into this home for so long.

Thanks Skip!

86 comments:

journalist jimmy smith said...: oh, the humanity! walter is growing up! fine looking family, matthew! jimmy smith is watching democrats today on television. reminds this journalist why this journalist is not a democrat. and has anybody heard from rosalynn? and what happens to peanuts in a tornado? ripped from the vine? shaken from the tree? unloosed from the beanstalk? jimmy smith is going to ask baby seal, columnist, to look into this for jimmy smith.

and jimmy smith remembers such braves announcers as milo hamilton. it was not always so good. remember john sterling? makes chip caray look good - but not too good.; August 24, 2008 3:07 PM
BOB said...: Little things mean a lot ... more than a song!

From acorns come giant oaks ... goodness how you have grown ... The Weed is lucky ... great granddad, granddad, dad ... the Russians, don't forget the Russians ... and yes, great grandma, grandma, and mama too ... a lot on which to look back, forward, both ways, left and right ... before crossing the street ... the generations keep on coming.

Very nice post young man ... and what a wonderful family you and Jennifer have ... you can see the pride in Granddad's eyes ... Grandma's too ... see it yours and Jennifer's too ... and rightfully so!

Your sister's smile ... goodness!

Your Grandfather, SJA's, Cato's dad; Skip too ... but goodness what they gave ... and what they left behind ... it's certainly a better place ... what wonderful stories and memories you fellows have shared ... and others too ... it' nice to have the opportunity to "meet" them.

Shared memories ... it's history ... why we are what we are ... helps define what we will become ... and a lot of what the old barbershop is all about, methinks! It's how I remember it, that's for sure!

Preacher, Teacher, Father, Friend ... blogger and journalist too ... goodness ... welcome to this dysfunctional family of misfits ...

The Perfect Sunday!; August 24, 2008 3:11 PM
BOB said...: Part of the reason that Matt has the time to do all he does ... is that he types at about 500 words a minute while I use one finger ... I have trouble remembering the alphabet ... much less the location of the keys.

He claims to be Southern Baptist like me but methinks he may be Jewish ... with all he does and the demands on his time, a matchmaker is the only plausible explanation for his having found such a lovely bride!

Goodness!; August 24, 2008 3:34 PM
Matthew, Dad to Walter said...: Bob, I am not now, nor have I ever been, Jewish. I am committed to the core principles of the Southern Baptist Convention: salvation by grace alone, Holy Scripture as containing the 39 books of the Old Testament and the 27 of the New...and potlucks every month!

And Jenifer and I were introduced by a matchmaker, a dear friend of hers from her growing up days, who introduced us through e-mail (story for another post).

And everyone, Bob has really come along. He is on Facebook now!; August 24, 2008 4:37 PM
BOB said...: Preacher, Teacher, Father, Friend ... blogger and journalist too ... oops! I forgot to mention Braves Fan!

For those who may have an interest and/or be curious ...

The change in comment format ... and the layout/format of my earlier post ... were tests ... and examples of what we can do.

As Chopper indicated through public comments and others privately have said, our avatars are an integral and essential part of what we are ... no question about that ... in spades!

I think most agree that their importance outweighs the advantages of newly available Blogger format ... and we will continue to use the traditional Blogger comment format until we can effectively overcome the problem and enjoy the advantages of both.

An additional problem is that as the number of comments increase, it becomes unwieldy ... actually a concern under both options.

As I earlier indicated, we recognized the problem and attempted to effect a solution before testing the new option and will continue to so do ... sincere apologies for my slowness in changing it back ... additional feedback is welcomed.

Overall, I think the experiment of my post was relatively successful ... it showed that we can embed videos and polls into the body of the post ... that we can use external style sheets and Javascript files ... have hidden layers and multiple pages too.

The truth is that we can do pretty much whatever we can imagine and want ... depending on how bad we so want.

Actually, as some realize, I didn't even scratch the surface ... no Ajax, no PHP, no databases ... but those we can and will employ as expertise and time permits ... my post was actually one page ... broken into multiple sections, and all but the selected page of the selected section being hidden ... the so called lead post being the first section with but two "pages" ... it contained two videos and the poll.

I learned, almost by accident, that some did not realize that there were multiple pages ... and those who only went to page one of the "lead post" didn't see the poll ... nor did they see the "menu bar" taking them to the other sections ... not to mention it taking you back to the top of the post, regardless of your selection.

And among those who did, some thought the menu bar simply provided links to other sites ... but as I said, such is not the case.

Given that, it's not surprising that there were so few substantive comments ... many folks didn't even see or realize that the "shattered bats" issue was the real topic under discussion ... that, and the intent to systematically and dramatically attempt to broaden our exposure.

Folks can't be expected to offer comments on something if they don't know what's been said ... just as they aren't apt to visit if they don't know you exist or where you live.

For those who did get through all 15 "pages" of the post ... just be thankful the Boss made me remove the MLB, Associated Press, and AJC related pieces ... 23 "pages" would have been a mite much.

My aversion to explaining my jokes and telling folks when to laugh or cry is well documented ... as is the importance I attach to friends and letting them know they're appreciated and how much you care ... but, believe it or no, methinks it's very important to make things clear and within the reach of most.

At the moment, we may not be many ... but those who join in and those care enough to just stop by and say hi ... them's special folks!

The Perfect Sunday ... well maybe not perfect, the Braves lost ... but it's doggoned special!; August 24, 2008 5:17 PM
Matthew, Dad to Walter said...: Let's be sure and use the venues we have to spread the news about the Old BarberShop. If you frequent Braves message boards or use Facebook, MySpace, etc., let's try to get the word out. This Ole Shop is a good thing, and more people ought to know about it.

Can I get an amen from the bobbleheads?; August 24, 2008 5:51 PM
Matthew, Dad to Walter said...: I have just created a group on Facebook for the Old Barbershop. Search for it, and we'll get you on board to spread the word about the blog to all your friends.; August 24, 2008 6:01 PM
BOB said...: Goodness, I just saw my last comment and I thought it was a post ... here's another.

I don't know about this Face Book stuff ... took me a couple of days to figure out how to get on ... and now I have forgot ... imagine that!

I did find out that Matt has a new friend and it's me ... my computer, or rather Face Book told me ... and here I thought we had been friends for a long time!

We found a chat room ...

That was a new experience ... new friend, new experience ... goodness!

The boss and I have chatted using Yahoo Messenger but this was different ... I'd say Hi! and it would a status message saying "sja is typing a message" ... and a couple of minutes later, after he'd typed and corrected the spelling ... would come his reply "Hi!" ... followed by "How are you?

After a couple of minutes of composing my reply, he'd receive "Fine, and how are you?" ... and, maybe a minute later, I get back ... "Me too"

The Boss types much faster than I could ever hope to do ... but, he's wise and considerate and pretends to be slow so as to make me feel comfortable.

Matt types two paragraphs in the time it takes me to type one short sentence ... which I didn't mind, being new friends and all ... but was an new experience, not being able to get a word in edgewise ... embarrassing is what it was ...

He's truly a nice young man with good manners ... profusely apologized when he sensed something was wrong ... "I hope you'll pardon my slowness but I've had a long day ... nothing to eat ... first chance I've had all day to relax and have a snack" ...

We all know how friendly Matt is ... but that guy's got close to 200 friends, just on Face Book ... and a bunch of them started poking me ... that's right!

I think Matt put them up to it ... maybe some will visit the Blog ... didn't know about the Group ... he gets my amen and Selah too!

Whatever happened to Randolph Scott?

Later ...; August 24, 2008 6:28 PM
BOB said...: Lest I forget ... long Chemo session tomorrow ... starts early ...

Everybody okay down Miss Rosa Lynn's way?; August 24, 2008 6:38 PM
Rosalynn said...: Juhnalist Bob, thankya foah askin' . . . Ah am feelin' sprightla' again. AH have vacuumed up all the leaves in the room and those Secret Suhvice boahs have cut and sawed and lifted out the trunk o' that tree. Jimma was up on the roof with his Habitat hammuh almost befoah the tree had stopped movin'. Jimma loves to hammuh. All the rain poahed in the house but the Secret Suhvice boahs had buckets and sponges and rags and newspapuh and those boahs dried up the floah and the sofa and the chaihs and Ah just fell right into one of those chaihs and fell asleep! That's when Jimma stahted hammuhin' again. He won't be hammuhin' anymoah aftah Ah got through with him.

Some people have been kind enough to call todah and to send e-mails. Ah would like to thank Baba Seal for his kind e-mail. Baba Seal, please tell Jimma Smith foah me that watchin' Democrats can be vera entatainin'. Stick with it and have some laughs.

Now, hahdla anah baseball is bein' blogged heah latelah. Ah would lahk to uhge Chippa Jones on in that boah's race for the battin' tahtle. That boah cannot catch the ball latelah but Ah believe he can still hit the ball bettah than he has been hittin' it latelah. Ah wish Chippa a lot of success these last few weeks of the season. Ah hope that boah hits some dingahs and stahs off the D.L. That boah can go a huntin' latuh.

And Ah would lahk to sound off now about Jimma's book and the fact that nobodah is buyin' that book anahmoah. Ah am callin' on all bloggahs readin' this (and Ah know that is not too manah bloggahs) to buy a copah of Jimma's book and send it ovah heah to me and I will get Jimma to sign his name on the covah page. Ah will include some complimentarah peanuts in the package when Ah retuhn the book to yoah mailin' address.

Mah best wishes to Carol.

Rosalynn; August 24, 2008 7:18 PM
Rosalynn said...: Ah know this is not a political blog and Ah know that bloggin' like this is what got Juihnalist Bob in trouble ovah at the AJC ... but Ah must sah that Ah was watchin' Nanca Pelosah awhile ago and Ah got that queasah, quivahin' feelin' and then Ah lost mah cookahs! That Nanca Pelosah is a meanah! She is so mean that Ah think she could whip Madeline Albraght and Janet Reno togetha! Ah hope it will not come to that though. Ah hate to see those ladahs faghtin' and tearin' off each othas' clothes and pullin' each othas' haih and scratchin' and kickin' and squealin' lahk little piggas on the fahm. Jimma sahs he kinda lahks the thought of that and now he is lookin' at me lahk the Commanduh and is pattin' the seat next to him on the sofa. Let me go foah now.; August 24, 2008 7:49 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: Matthew, outstanding job my friend...

And Bob, I pray for an easy day for you tomorrow...

And Miss Rosalynn... Oh My....; August 24, 2008 9:08 PM
BOB said...: Miss Rosa Lynn, back when me and my best girl lived in Columbus, not far from y'all, and worked for Mr. John and Mr. Paul Amos ... a long time ago, before Paul's boy took over ... so long ago that his grandson's now the president of the Company ... goodness!

Well, we lived in an apartment for a while before buying our house ... nice apartment too though it was on the second floor, beautiful area situated among giant pines, for which the area's famous.

One night, after settling down for a long winter's nap ... a storm came up that raised such a clatter that Carol sprang from the bed to see what was the matter ... though I told her to join me under the bed.

The storm subsided, or so we thought ... and eventually we went back to sleep ... only to shortly be awakened by howling winds ... a loud explosion, followed by a louder thud ... and additional clatter ... this time just outside our apartment.

What was going on? ... we had no idea ... like George found out, it's never a good idea to forget the Russians, especially in Georgia ... were we under attack?

We weren't that far from Fort Benning, you know.

True enough, we were under attack ... but, in the best interest of national security and not wanting to cause widespread panic, it was hushed up quicker than Matthew types ... like a lullaby on a baby's cry.

The story they spread ... was that during a bad local storm, the top of one of the pines was hurled by the winds ... through our roof, the cieling ... a coffee table ... into, and through the floor ... some two feet through!

They sealed off the living room ... until they said it was safe ... likely story, more likely they needed time to destroy the evidence ... ain't no way no tree top could do all that ... a camouflaged ballistic missile if you ask me ... Russians never could aim nohow ... and most of their missiles were duds.

At least it wasn't in the bedroom!

Are those peanuts you offering green? ... one needs teeth to enjoy parched or roasted ... but, boiled green ones is another story ... maybe not as good as this one, but reel good!; August 24, 2008 9:14 PM
BOB said...: Thanks Gil!; August 24, 2008 9:15 PM
Matthew, Dad to Walter said...: Thanks Gil-and thanks for coming in!

And Bob, I'm sorry that you were poked by all of my Facebook friends. I don't even know how they could have done it, unless they saw an alert that I had poked you. Whenever a Facebook friend does something like change a picture or poke someone, it appears in a "news feed" on your friends' pages. So when you add more Facebook friends, you can see when they are up to something.

Chipper needs to win that batting title, Mrs. Rosalynn, to give us something good to end a horrific season.; August 24, 2008 9:40 PM
Rosalynn said...: Matthew deah, Ah had Frencha wheah he was hittin' the ball and then Bobba Cox let Frencha bat with the bases loaded . . . and Frencha hit inta anotha double plah! Ah cannot help Bobba Cox and Ah can onlah prah for Chippa to win the battin' title. Ah would not presume to tell Chippa how to hit, but I do think Ah could help that boah with the leatha. Puhaps Chippa needs a glove with longah fingahs. Ah know talkin' fingahs and toes with Chippa is not supposed to be polite but that boah seems to need a glove that is a little longah or Chippa needs to get a little closah to the ball when it is hit to him. Of coahse, Ah do not want to get him so close he has to go on the D.L. And a boah runs hahd to fuhst base and it becomes a topic of convahsation! That means some otha boahs ah not runnin' hahd to the bases or it would nevah have been noticed.

When Frencha is quoted as sahing the plahahs ah plahin' hahd it makes me suspicious of all of them. Ah do not think this team is plahing as hahd as some otha teams Ah have watched. Ah remembah Billa's ol' sofball team - now that was a hahd plahin' team of boahs. Theah all ran as hahd as theah could but none of them could run vera hahd at all. Still, it was funnah because theah weah alwahs drinkin' and some of those boahs would run the wrong wah and to the wrong base. Ah once saw Billa hit the ball and run off the field to take a lea . . . er, to take a leave for a few minutes. Ah had bettah go now.; August 24, 2008 10:13 PM
baBy sEal, coLLumist said...: Commentary from The Old Barbershop Columnist Baby Seal:

ShoUld jouRnalisTs giVE peT namES to baSebaLL plaYers? I say, nO! I thiNk giVing a plAyeR a peT naMe is bEneAth thE digNity oF a jouRnlaist. Say, iF a bEEt wRiTer liKEs a plAyer anD namEs hiM someThing like, LiTTle JoE oR Ben or AdAm or HoP SInG or sOMethINg liKE that. ThAt is wRoNG! OthEr peT nAmes I abHor fOR plAyers arE Spot, TaBBy, RoVEr, FiDo, anD KiTTy. FeLix is aNotheR naME I don'T liKE bUT the BRaVes alReady haD onE of thoSe a lOng timE Ago and thEy callEd him the KiTTen. ThaT is a SiSSy namE. JouRnlisTs musT retaIN oBjECtivIty anD inTegRity and a joUrnaliSt can'T do thAt anD giVe a plAyeR a pet naME, toO. ThIS haS beEn cOmmenTAry bY Collumist B. SeAl.; August 24, 2008 10:28 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: Well, I guess that seals it....; August 24, 2008 11:48 PM
BOB said...: Face Book ... 1984 Big Brother ... goodness!

Actually, I thought it was kinda nice ...

Chopper ... journalists and beet righters are subjected to different standards of excellence ... personally, I think that good journalists come up with better nick names than beet right righters ... and sometimes it best to give folks a choice ... like between the "buttermilk" and "buttermint" babe.

Now "Joe" just wouldn't work ... say it isn't so; August 25, 2008 12:12 AM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: Well, nicknames have to be just right to be lasting... After all, who ever herd of someone having a cup of "Sonny Boy" to wake up in the morning?

Uh... I'll have another cup of that "Hoss" miss... See, same thing, only different...; August 25, 2008 5:57 AM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: herd??? heard.... Oh my.. must lay off the pain medicine this early in the morning.. or maybe not...; August 25, 2008 5:59 AM
BOB said...: Coffee does sound good this morning ... by any name ... it's Hardee's drivethru for us and then Vandy.; August 25, 2008 7:32 AM
baBy sEal, coLLumist said...: BrAKinG NewS!
Georgia Aquarium adds 9-foot manta ray
By LEON STAFFORD
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Monday, August 25, 2008

The Georgia Aquarium announced Monday it has added a 9-foot wide manta ray to its collection, its first big “wow-factor” fish in more than a year.

The world’s biggest fish tank said the fish, named Nandi, was introduced in the tank over the past week to make sure she would acclimate to the new environment.

SHoulD havE triED thIS wiTh BrAnDon JonES. GoTTa thRow hiM iN the Tank SomeTime. LeT thE olD gUYs siT.; August 25, 2008 10:43 AM
Cato said...: Okay, now I'm confused.

I was thinking about taking a brief trip out west, so I contacted Senator McCain to see whether I might be able to stay in one of his seven homes. Well, no.

Among other things, I learned that the median price of a home in America is LESS than the amount the McCains spend ANNUALLY on housekeeping amd landscaping services.

So here's why I'm confused. I'm told daily that Obama is NOT one of us, but McCain IS one of us.

To verify this, I checked my assets and found that, regrettably, they are somewhat less than the $150 million that he who is one of us is worth.

Wondering whether I had just lost track of my other six homes, I checked all my records. Nope, not there.

I'm confused over who "us" are, and I'm starting to wonder whether I'm even one of me.; August 25, 2008 1:26 PM
BOB said...: While I don't measure a man's worth in terms of his houses or gold, or care much how they spend their money, I doubt that either is one of us ... which one could it be ... John? Jimmy? Gil? Cato? ... I know it's not me, ... and both Hillbilly and Matthew are too young, or so methinks.

Fess up guys, either or both of you ... come out from behind the mask ... I'll vote for you ... both of you! What are friends for?!; August 25, 2008 2:58 PM
BOB said...: Goodness, I almost forgot Mister e Blogger, ... we know just as much about him as we do Obama ... gosh, methinks it must be he!; August 25, 2008 3:03 PM
Suds X. Plains said...: Answer to the riddle: Marry a girl with a Budweiser distributorship and find success.; August 25, 2008 3:33 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: Well, if I were to vote for a guy who was no more successful than myself, I would be worried. I want someone who knows what it takes to be a success. Now, the real question is how one defines success. For most folks it is about money, for myself however, I considered the fact I am happy and content to be a sign of success.

The most important thing all should remember is that both McCain and Obama are both politicians. One must not lose sight of that singularly important fact.; August 25, 2008 4:01 PM
journalist jimmy smith said...: not many bloggers know this but jimmy smith also has many homes. journalist has several homes in uganda - in very large trees there. of course, the ugandan climbing lions create enough market uncertainty that jimmy smith is no baron but jimmy smith does have multiple home resources. jimmy smith also has some yurts. yurts count, right? journalist keeps yurts handy just in case jimmy smith needs a yurt when in a hurt. counting jimmy smith's primary residence and the tree houses and the yurts, jimmy smith could run for president sometime.; August 25, 2008 4:21 PM
baBy sEal, coLLumist said...: A gOOd reAsoN to reed the OlD bArbershOP BloG . . .

Carter and wife unharmed when oak tree hits home in Plains
Associated Press

Monday, August 25, 2008

A family member says an oak tree struck the Plains home of former President Jimmy Carter as Tropical Storm Fay moved through southwest Georgia.

One of the former president’s sons, Jeff Carter, says the tree struck the house Saturday night just above the living room. He says both his father and his mother, Rosalynn Carter, were at home at the time but neither was hurt.

WE knEW abOUt thIS lonG beForE thE AJC. ThAt iS beCauSe RoSalYNN blOGs herE. So, The BARbERShOp bloG iS yOUr soUrce foR neWs, tOO. ANd rEELy gooD ColluMS.; August 25, 2008 4:41 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: Too bad Jimmy Smith is from Uganda and not Kenya where the have really fast runners, of course they are the same... only different. No tree lions in Kenya though, maybe that is why Kenyans can run fast, all that practice outrunning lions that don't climb.

And I saw Mr Carter tonight on the boob tube... Attending the DNC it appears. I did not see Miss Rosalynn though, too bad. I wonder if he and Ted Kennedy have ever made up? Well, the "Commandah" will get the last laugh I suppose...; August 25, 2008 9:07 PM
Rosalynn said...: Ah cannot abahd those women! That is whah Ah am not at the Pepsa Centah tonaght. Ah do not lahk Hillarah, or Nanca Pelosah, or anah otha of those women that do not shave undah the ahms. Ah have alwahs said, "smooth unda-ahms makes foah smooth mannahs." Ah do not approve of the mannahs of those ugla women. Jimma lahks 'em though, except for Hillarah. Hillarah and Bill weah nevah vera nice to the Commanduh. Ah do like that boah, Barack Obama though, although Ah alreadah regret callin' that boah a boah. Maybah Juhnalist Bob can edit that out foah me. It was unseemlah of me. Well, Ah am craving some melons now foah some reason, and, Oh, mah goodness! That was a Freudian slip if evah theah was one! Ah do not want anah melons and even if Ah did it would have no significance in this discussion we ah havin'. Ah hope Baba Seal will break in with some Breaking News and get me offa the hook heah. Ah am strugglin' maghtilah with this post and that is so unlahk me. Puhaps it would be best if Ah talk some baseball. Ah have been watchin' Juan Pieh of the Dodgahs and Ah am pretta suah he is playin' tonaght instead of Andrah. Ah have nevah seen somebodah with so manah flu-lahk symptoms as Andrah has had this yeah. Is one of the symptoms an inabilitah to remain standin' aftah swingin' at and missin' the pitch? This mah be mah most contravehsial post Ah have made since Ah have been ovah heah with the Jackass and Bob and Jimma Smith and Baba Seal and the newlah acquiad bloggas heah. Ah hope Ah do not get banned bah the Jackass. Ah have seen what happens to a bloggah once that bloggah gets banned from bloggin' somewheah. Could staht drinkin' or maybah could take up beet wratin' or become a bum of some otha soht. It can be vera ugla. Ah think Ah am going to listen to the speeches now and cheah for Jimma when he comes to the podium. Ah hope he is in prahm tahm and that theah leave the microphone on for Jimma. He is carrahin' his lucka hammah tonaght if he got it bah securitah.; August 25, 2008 9:57 PM
Rosalynn said...: Breakin' News! Jimma has been slaghted by the Democratic Pahtah! Ah cannot believe theah did not let mah Jimma talk! Just a wave and we weah off the stage! And theah let that Tedda Kennada talk on and on and on. Theah act lahk theah don't lahk Jimma anahmoah. Well, he is the onlah one with his own submahrine. Jimma's brain has nevah been tampahed with bah a doctah. Can't sah that about Tedda or about Joe Bahdan. Ah don't appreciate the treatment theah gave mah Jimma tonight. Ah think Ah am goin' to write a lettah to Barack Obama and ask if Jimma can be Secretarah of State.; August 25, 2008 11:32 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: Great point SJA... To that I say AMEN...; August 26, 2008 2:44 AM
BOB said...: Fred Crane ... gone with the wind but not forgotten.

How doe the Boss always seem to know what to say and when to say it? Dang, double dang!!

Better still, he seems to know what not to say and not to say it ... kudos!

Am I to understand that the Democrats are on TV?

I don't watch conventions anymore ... not since they stopped having any real reason to convene ... it's a joke, right?

I'm throwing my fedora in the ring ... and calling for a constitutional convention ... rather than keeping on patching up the old one, we should restructure things where each state has two senators like now ... one from each of the two major parties ... and the House has the same number ... two from each state ... both independents!

Both parties would have equal voice ... and everything would always be in balance ...

Think of the money we'd save ... and people would be nice and behave ... no advantage in telling folks how bad the other person was ...

Them boys and girls could be the ones to decide the presidential nominees too ... ten year terms ... for everybody, ... governors, presidents, senators and congressmen and ladies, with elections held every five years so something constructive could get done.

I don't think it's right they decide important things on no simple majority vote neither!

If two thirds can't agree on what should done, then doing nothing might not be a bad idea ... it might even encourage folks to do a better job of working together ...

Methinks it's time to stop all this "well, I guess we need a new law to show folks we're doing our job" mentality ... and the "Tell me what you want to hear ... and I'll make you proud ... or at least grant your wish" ...

We'll buy Greenland ... round up all the drug dealers, drunk drivers, prono-kings and queens, thieves, sex offenders, murderers, illegal aliens and members of the media ... and send them there.

Then we can offer a free drug rehabilitation program to them what's been victimized ... a special, one time offer for them what don't want to go to Greenland too!

Guns or Butter ... Me, I'm tired of store bought margarine ... it's the Country and the little boys and girls what's important ... not the party.

It will be against the law for those who serve to benefit financially from so doing and those who so do will get a free, one way, first class ticket to you know where ... Greenland ... and since we don't want them to be lonely, we'll extend the same package to their friends.

Maybe we ought to include them TV preachers what live in big mansions, drive big Cadillac cars ... wear fancy silk suits and sport diamonds big enough to choke your horse ... or at least limit the number of times they can ask for more money in each broadcast.

Methinks we could reduce taxes and balance the budget!

Wouldn't need no jails ...; August 26, 2008 11:03 AM
BOB said...: What do you mean you don't believe in Santa Claus ... don't you read the New York Sun?; August 26, 2008 11:12 AM
journalist jimmy smith said...: breaking news from award winning journalist jimmy smith . . .

Report: Baseball to begin using replays
Source tells AP that umpires will be able to review HRs starting with weekend series
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

New York — Major League Baseball reversed its long-standing opposition to instant replay and will allow umpires to check video on home run calls in series that start Thursday, a person familiar with the announcement told The Associated Press.

The person spoke on condition of anonymity because no announcement was authorized before commissioner Bud Selig made the announcement at 5 p.m. Tuesday.

oh, the humanity! fans have to watch it again? no way! once is enough! can bring in instant replay when the home team plays better baseball. right now, once is enough.

now, controversy . . . who should be playing and who should be sitting? and where are the young pitchers? traded away long ago. and no pennants - no world series rings to show for it.

and now, lyrics . . .

Try to remember the kind of september
When life was slow and oh so mellow
Try to remember the kind of september
When grass was green and grain so yellow
Try to remember the kind of september
When the Braves were winning in the ninth inning
Try to remember and if you remember
Then follow--follow, oh-oh; August 26, 2008 4:59 PM
BOB said...: The height of much ado ... instant replay to cover blown home run calls ... bah humbug!

Balls hit down the line ... bang bang plays at the plate ... indeed, any play warranting sincere argument is worthy of review ... that is if the purpose is to get it right.

Nothing impacts a team more than to be victimized by a blown call ... and our boys don't need more excuses for their failures.

Blown home run calls ... bah, humbug ... much ado!; August 26, 2008 6:50 PM
BOB said...: I really don't have any answers ... 'bout nothing ... but listening to Chip and Pete, ... methinks there's no good reason to worry or be concerned ... they do ... and about those few things they don't, Chip's going to ask Bobby tomorrow.

What wisdom ... albeit conventional ...

It ain't over til it is ... and it is 10 - 9 ... good guys!; August 26, 2008 10:56 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: To quote one who shall remain nameless.... Unbelievable...

Braves pull one out of their butt....; August 26, 2008 11:12 PM
BOB said...: Well, I heard some of the game ... off and on through the seventh ... heard Chipper strike out in the eighth ... heard all of the ninth ... except for the winning hit.

They say that hindsight is 20-20 ... and perhaps that's it but for some reason, it sounded a bit different ... like they didn't give up ... coming back after being 4 down ... maybe the first time this year.

If I'm AWOL tomorrow, it 'cause it's somebody's birthday ... not sure what we'll be doing but we'll have fun doing it, what ever it is ... maybe we'll just watch the grass grow ... I offered her the choice of Hardee's, McDonald's, Burger King or Wendy's but she prefers Chinese ... so I guess it's PF Chang's for lunch.

Maybe a good movie and then a couple of Porterhouses for supper ...

Who am I kidding ... there are no good movies ... maybe a bad movie and then a couple of Porterhouses for supper ...

I you can't laugh at yourself ... try laughing with me; August 27, 2008 12:57 AM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: Bob, give Carol a hug for me a give her a kiss for yourself. I tell her I said HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!; August 27, 2008 6:45 AM
journalist jimmy smith said...: this journalist normally posts in lower case but this morning jimmy smith feels the need for capitalization . . .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CAROL!!!

p.s. carol, make sure journalist bob takes carol somewhere nice - and be sure to order dessert (desert on that other blog).

and one more thing, baby seal will be by in a bit with baby seal's own birthday greetings for carol.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!; August 27, 2008 8:51 AM
baBy sEal, coLLumist said...: HaPPy BiRthDaY to yoU,
HaPPY BirtHDAy to yOu,
HappY BiRtHdAy, deaR CaRol,
HaPPy BirthDay froM a sEaL.; August 27, 2008 5:05 PM
Matthew, Dad to Walter said...: Happy Birthday Mrs. Carol!

So long Kotsay-we enjoyed having you in Atlanta.; August 27, 2008 5:53 PM
BOB said...: To Anonymous Gil In Mechanicsville ... we can understand your wanting to be anonymous but it sort of gives it away when you tell us where you're from ... Bob gave Carol a hug and a kiss, more than one ... and your message was delivered as requested.

Journalist Jimmy Smith using Capitals truly makes this a special occasion ... First time on any Blog ... Miss Carol is honored ... Mr. Bob said Goodness and Mister Jackass emailed one word ... Unbelievable!

unfortunately, no room was left for desert on the other Blog ... had there been, your greeting would have been the icing on the cake ...

Well, Miss Carol did receive an extra fortune cookie in honor of the occasion after Bob finally admitted to the waitress that he was 32, ... explaining that living a hard life wasn't the best of ideas ... that nice little girl believed him and got a troubled look on her face ... "I knew it! I knew it! My boyfriend is 32".

Mister Jackass, Bob wanted to know if Joanna was married to Sir Anthony ... what a wonderful poem ... just for Miss Carol too ... and every word right on spot, dead center!

It's not every girl that gets birthday greetings from a seal ... nor every seal that get's this girl's seal of approval! Thanks!

And here I see somebody else is celebrating a birthday too ... a Mrs. Carol ...

Well if that Mrs. Carol doesn't object, this Miss Carol, or Mrs. Bob ... will accept those greetings too ... can't ever have too many friends or birthday greetings!

A wonderful day spent just watching the grass grow ... how blessed we are to have such friends as you!

Thanks!!; August 27, 2008 7:31 PM
journalist jimmy smith said...: a number of bloggers have e-mailed jimmy smith and asked this journalist whether jimmy smith is a democrat or a republican.

jimmy smith has decided to respond to these inquiries right here on the haircuts and baseball blog.

jimmy smith is neither a democrat nor a republican. jimmy smith is a whig. that's right, a whig.

when the whig's convention takes place jimmy smith will be right there with the other whigs. some famous whigs of note are generals zachary taylor and winfield scott, daniel webster, millard filmore, dusty baker, wm henry harrison, & sam donaldson. "what?" "what, baby seal?" "that was a wig, not a whig?" well, maybe not sam donaldson. still, not enough whigs left to make much of a difference but being a whig can be useful when voting in the primary and have to stand in a line for a party ballot. never a line with the whigs.

jimmy smith may run for something as a whig. not sure what. will need a slogan. "healthy toes and a chicken in every pot. vote jimmy smith, whig party."

jimmy smith is jimmy smith and jimmy smith approves this message.; August 27, 2008 8:53 PM
baBy sEal, coLLumist said...: BrAkinG newS!

"BraveS sigN RHp ElmeR DeSSenS"

"c'mON, ElmER!"

noT a gooD nAme foR thIs teaM anD thiS maNageR. ThE brAVEs neeD a BaBe, noT aN elmEr.; August 27, 2008 9:50 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: Or maybe that could be a healthy rooster and toes in every pot...

Or is that a finger in every pie?

Same thing, only different....; August 27, 2008 11:41 PM
BOB said...: I don't want no toes in my pot, healthy or not ... which is different than Lew not wanting toes in his ... well, maybe healthy pickled toes for sousemeat might be okay.; August 28, 2008 2:28 AM
journalist jimmy smith said...: millard fillmore, the last whig president, once told jimmy smith, "once jimmy smith goes whig jimmy smith can never go back." and this is so true. and why whig? no annoying dinner-time phone calls from the whigs. hardly ever hear from a whig these days. sorta like the braves, not much noise. and losers of 13 of 16 . . . that's baseball. there's a problem there but bobby can't seem to pick it out. and jimmy smith has added some colorful photos to the blog cover page and hopes that these photos meet with the approval of all bloggers but especially sja and bob, blogmasters.; August 28, 2008 11:35 AM
baBy sEal, coLLumist said...: BrAKinG NewS!
Hillary in Elevator Mishap
August 28, 2008 12:44 AM

DENVER, Colo. -- Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., was already not having the Democratic National Convention that she'd been hoping for, her and her husband's well-received speeches notwithstanding.

Then it got worse.

After Wednesday night's festivities ended, there was a minor elevator mishap at the Pepsi Center that involved Clinton, sources tell ABC News.

Apparently, the elevator got stuck between floors, stranding Sen. Clinton and others for several minutes. The doors needed to be pushed open and those in the elevator -- including Sen. Clinton -- needed to be lifted and squeezed out.

tHat'S a LoT of LifTing anD sQueeZing. I'M goinG to be siCK.; August 28, 2008 12:56 PM
BOB said...: BOB is neither a democrat nor a republican neither.

BOB is a Conservative while jimmy smith is a whig but BOB doesn't know the words that describe what that means in such a way that folks will understand what BOB is ... but BOB knows!

jimmy smith is a whig what can effectively use capitalization when he so wants but ain't going to so do just 'cause somebody thinks that he should be like them.

Sounds like jimmy's in good company ... Webster and Clay, Taylor, Fillmore, and Scott, ... Harrison, and Tyler too. Goodness, maybe I should become a Whig.

I never was or had a whig ... lost all my money and my teeth but still have a full head of hair ... ain't white neither!

I'm for healthy toes and do like chicken, spring rolls and Hot & sour soup ... if jimmy smith runs, I'll vote Whig!

I see all those folks lined up for a trim ... guess I'll have to go wash my bowls and get to work.

Photos ... are those photos? I thought that Lew had visited the Shop and left some of his work on consignment.; August 28, 2008 4:53 PM
BOB said...: I'm not like most folks what calls themselves conservatives ... and I'm certainly not like most folks what calls themselves liberals ... so I guess that means I'm not like most folks ... of which I'm glad and so are they, methinks.

Methinks too that maybe the real reason that folks replace their mirrors with self portraits is that they don't like what they see bout are too stubborn or too lazy to change.; August 28, 2008 5:09 PM
Matthew, Dad to Walter said...: Jimmy Smith is a Whig. Oh my! This history teacher just swelled with pride. I am just glad he didn't say he belonged to the Know-Knothing Party. The illustrious Millard Fillmore defected to the Know Nothings in time for the 1856 presidential election.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Know_Nothing; August 28, 2008 6:57 PM
BOB said...: Methinks Fillmore started a trend ... now most are Know Nothings, Democrats, Republicans and Independents.; August 28, 2008 8:02 PM
BOB said...: Of course, the Know Nothings are much better than the Know Everythings!; August 28, 2008 8:05 PM
journalist jimmy smith said...: jimmy smith has watched the democrats and is planning to watch the republicans. all jimmy smith can say is that jimmy smith could do a better job. therefore, tonight on this haircut and baseball blog jimmy smith announces jimmy smith's candidacy for president of the united states, whig party. jimmy smith will announce a whig running mate as soon as another whig can be found. may be some surprises here. baby seal has contacted the great seal of the united states and the great seal will play part in jimmy smith's campaign. and a plank? universal toe-health insurance and root beer for every family in america - snd winning baseball again in atlanta. more to follow. bloggers are invited to campaign for jimmy smith and vote for jimmy smith. journalist will need campaign managers in every state. bloggers please confirm that bloggers will serve. all contributions should be CASH (use of capitals again, second time in as many days) and deposited in jimmy smith's mailbox. jimmy smith is jimmy smith and jimmy smith approves this message. vote for jimmy smith.; August 28, 2008 10:09 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: jimmy smith, it would grieve me deeply for you to run for President as a Whig... They had a pretty poor track record for longevity once they reached office. Perhaps you could start your own party, I will bring the spiked watermelons... You will not have to stand for anything which is good once you partake of the watermelons...

"In its over two decades of existence, the Whig Party saw two of its candidates, Harrison and Taylor, elected President of the United States. Both, however, died in office. John Tyler became president after Harrison's death, but was expelled from the party, and Millard Fillmore, who became president after Taylor's death, was the last Whig to hold the nation's highest office."; August 28, 2008 11:32 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: And what of Sahara, the wayward arctic seal that does not like cold water? Perhaps he would like the warmer climate of south Georgia...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21836128/; August 28, 2008 11:36 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: Uh... how about a Block party... You could be the big "A"...; August 28, 2008 11:38 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: "Cooper dismissed suggestions that seals like Sahara like warmer waters, saying hooded seals have very thick blubber. "They shouldn't even feel the cold," she said."

Gee, I have lots of blubber but I feel cold... Personally, I think he may have a Chilly Willie....; August 28, 2008 11:43 PM
Matthew, Dad to Walter said...: Yes Gil, the Whigs may not be the best party to join, at least not in the U.S. The Whig Party in Britain was very popular for a while though. They were responsiblt for kicking out James II and bringing about the Glorious Revolution.

Jimmy Smith, count this preacher in as your campaign head in Arkansas, unless you require a fee to join.

I've been told that two of the most underpaying jobs are that of teacher and pastor. So what did I do? Become a pastor and teach high school history-oh, the humanity!; August 29, 2008 7:45 AM
BOB said...: Sarah Palin ... Mclain wanted to the balance the too ... Carol says it's a ploy to get the majority of out Bloggers since two are from Arkansas ... I thought it was to give the ticket better name recognition.

And just who is Sarah Palin? I know less about her than Obama ... didn't know she was the Govenorness of the Arkansas kids until Carol told me ... now, Jimmy has to run so that I'll know something about somebody in the race ... even were it bad, it would be better than not knowing, methinks!

JIMMY SMITH for President ...; August 29, 2008 11:59 AM
journalist jimmy smith said...: early in the campaign and already matthew and bob have come out in support of jimmy smith for president! may be the promise of winning baseball again. still, jimmy smith can bring much to the office and one thing jimmy smith will bring is a watermelon vine for the rose garden. journalist/president must have journalist/president's watermelons. and imagine when the japanese prime minister visits and jimmy smith can just walk into the rose garden and take a watermelon off the vine and pull out jimmy smith's pocket knife and cut that watermelon and diplomacy can begin. better foreign affairs plan than obama. and as far as spending . . . jimmy smith will not spend taxpayers' money capriciously (that would slow down the other blog but most here can handle it). and if jimmy smith does spend money capriciously, remember that jimmy smith is president. and where will baby seal live in the white house? seal friendly? jimmy smith thinks not. still, should be no worse having a seal there than bill clinton and his mistress(es). not as messy. and now, some criticism of republicans . . . equal time. mccain is so old, journalist bob calls mccain, sir. oh, the humanity! journalist has a million of 'em, a million. and mccain will probably turn in early at the white house and save on the light bill but jimmy smith will go green at the white house. that's right, a coat of paint. can call it green house. can grow things inside. call it change. at least jimmy smith can say what jimmy smith will change. wallpaper, too. and take down some of those old pictures! put some new stuff up on the walls. maybe get lew to draw something. or maybe a mural. and the fountains . . . turn off the fountains. save water. and recycle. now, have to find a whig for vice president. any whigs out there? maybe on the other blog? may have to cross party lines. stay tuned.; August 29, 2008 3:49 PM
journalist jimmy smith said...: no more designated hitter. no more wild card. no more playing the other league during the season. no more all-star game deciding the home team for the world series. platform coming together.

cannot name children after ballparks. no reason to name a child minute maid or petco.

all players must run to first base. why do the teams that don't ask players to run hard (so as to avoid injury) seem to be the team (atlanta braves) that gets players hurt running to base? hmm ...

and one last thing . . . lower concession prices. that's right, a $2 dog - fully dressed.

elect jimmy smith. jimmy smith is jimmy smith and jimmy smith approves of this message.; August 29, 2008 3:56 PM
journalist jimmy smith said...: jimmy smith ordered a bird house 2 years ago and that bird house never arrived. maybe if jimmy smith is elected president, jimmy smith can put a bird house up in a white house tree. maybe a small wren or titmouse (can say that, sja?) will appear. perhaps a dove - for peace. see, jimmy smith is already thinking peace. journalist will need more supporters if this campaign is to be successful. bloggers please weigh in for jimmy smith. journalist may complete the ticket with a blogger. must be a whig.; August 29, 2008 4:01 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: jimmy smith thinking piece.... Isn't that what got Bill Clinton in trouble???

On first read, I think McCain is pretty shrewd for an old guy... Picked the perfect foil and a former union member too.... See, union folks can be Republicans... just not publicly...

And much prettier than Joe Biden.

Today I cannot but think of Obama's words stolen from "An American President" and now McCain has picked the stand in for Genna Davis from "Commander In Chief"

Now baseball... "A League Of Their Own" another nod to Genna Davis... works for me.; August 29, 2008 4:27 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: And maybe I could get my old job back sweeping up around the monuments. I am sure Miss Rosalynn would put in a good word for me with jimmysmith... Uh...are watermelon seeds any harder to clean up than peanut hulls???

Not doing the seal though... There are some jobs even a Mexican won't do...; August 29, 2008 4:31 PM
journalist jimmy smith said...: ah, yes, journalist seems to remember something about gil and monumental duty. :-) and gil, this journalist needs a running mate. whig, right?

and baby seal wants to be clear on this matter . . . though baby seal was once a beet writer, baby seal maintains good personal hygiene.

and now, the union vote . . . jimmy smith is seeking support from union gil. remember that jimmy smith buys american made automobiles.

and something for everybody . . . jimmy smith is for change. would like to see chipper hit cleanup for the rest of the season.; August 29, 2008 5:43 PM
journalist jimmy smith said...: jimmy smith will forbid seal clubbing and will also help battered shrimp.; August 29, 2008 6:14 PM
Bowser Barkton said...: "The Braves reserve the right to deny any dog or human entrance to Turner Field to the Bark at the Park event for any reason they may see fit."

What a sad commentary. This Braves organization gave us Reitsma, Remlinger and don't forget Kolb - and they ban dogs?; August 29, 2008 7:04 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: "jimmy smith buys american made automobiles"

Toyota.. Honda... ?

Fords and Chryslers made in Mexico now, Chevys in Canada.. Ross Perot was right.. Also nuts but that's another story...; August 29, 2008 8:01 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: And I appreciate jimmysmith's inquiry as to my interest in being the number 2 guy (can say that?) of the Whig ticket in an effort to secure the Union vote... However, I have washed my hands of politics as it leaves me feeling so unclean...

Plus, most Union guys not owned by the mafia usually vote their own mind anyway, regardless of what the bosses say...

Want to get the Union vote, promise them more overtime....; August 29, 2008 8:59 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: Come to think of it, I think I would rather be the valet for the seal....; August 29, 2008 9:00 PM
journalist jimmy smith said...: elmer dressens is going to fit right in. has the leadoff walk down pat. and won't jeff be better off not throwing to the plate everytime jeff fields the ball? guess that's where jeff's throwing it. closer to the plate than anywhere else but not really to the plate . . . hmmm . . .

and it was nice of the broadcasters to show the white house for jimmy smith. journalist must invite the broadcast team to the white house after the election - but no beet writers.

jimmy smith wonders if obama knows yet that jimmy smith is in the race. should get some of the same voters. jimmy smith is no spoiler - jimmy smith is in the race to win.

journalist will repeal the cheese tax. jimmy smith is jimmy smith and jimmy smith approves this message. vote for jimmy smith.; August 29, 2008 9:50 PM
baBy sEal, coLLumist said...: I doN't usUallY dO endOrsemEnTs but I aM giVing jOurnalisT JimmY SmiTh mY sEal of AppRoval fOr prEsidEnt. I likE hiS staNd on seaLs and help fOR baTTered ShRimp.

If JiMMy SmiTh geTs elEcted I wiLL bE thE cuTest yoUngSter iN thE wHite HouSe sinCe LyNda BiRd JoHnson. THat gIRl waS HoT! NiCE flipPerS.

I sEE thE goVernoR of AlaSka is oN thE RepUBlican tiCket. WhAt iS heR pOsitiOn oN tHE AlAsKaN seaLS? HER huSbanD is A coMMercIal fISherMan. LEt's hoPe hE iS noT a clUbber. IF hE is, I wiLL fiND ouT.

I tHInk iT iS niCe thAt so Many bloGGers arE suPPortIng JimmY SmiTh. WiLL yOu bE sendiNg him Money?

ThE CloSest tHinG tO a Whig thE demOcraTs haVe is JOe BiDeN. BuT thAt iS HaIR trAnsplAnts noT a reAl whig. AT fIRst I tHOughT iT waS haIr in a CaN.

I bETTer go NoW, hAve to MaKe soME siGns foR PrEsIdenT JimmY smiTh.; August 30, 2008 9:07 AM
baBy sEal, coLLumist said...: wHoA! wAIT JUsT A MinUte.

FroM the AJC:
Thinking Right: Palin seals the deal for McCain

aLrEaDy BRInginG sEals inTo thE CamPaign. GoOD thinG I aM iN wIth the GReat SeAl of thE UniTed STaTes. I aM goIng to FinD ouT if Mr. PAlin iS a sEal cluBBer. If hE iS, shE is finIShed. If Not, mAybe She caN be A WhiG aND ruN wiTh JimmY smiTh.

I guESs The ClOSest thIng tO a Seal the DemOcRats have iS MaDelinE AlBRighT. I don'T wanT tO tanGle witH heR.; August 30, 2008 11:45 AM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: Actually chopper, I think Madeline Albright more closely resembles a walrus... tusk and all... same thing right? only different???

coo coo kachoo...; August 30, 2008 3:15 PM
BOB said...: Now Chopper, I read that there have been plenty of cute young girls in the White House since then ... word is that Bill Clinton so insisted.; August 30, 2008 4:13 PM
Thadeus J. Clompton III, Whig said...: I am a Whig and I hear things are jumping over here. I came to see what's going on and it turns out I like the bloggers - especially this Baby Seal fellow.

This could become a compelling blog for Whigs. You could have as many as 15 bloggers if all works well. That's fifteen including the 11 you have now. You do have 11 bloggers, right?; August 30, 2008 4:26 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: Thadeus... Uh, more like enough for an arena football team...; August 30, 2008 5:22 PM
BOB said...: Methinks that AJ was a closeted Whig ... it kept him from being convicted.

Smiling Andruw: "What you mean, I don't wear a wig ... not even in the closet ... and I wasn't convicted ... just subpoenaed ... besides, I had a get out of jail free, gold card!

Actually, it may be true ... Nixon was a Quaker, quaked in his boots and resigned rather than take a chance but if Johnson wore a wig, he could take it off, remain in office and hardly nobody would say nothin' for fear he was somebody else.

Now I wouldn't say that on the other Blogs ... can you imagine the outcry: "Impeach Bob, journalist for journalizing without doing proper research ... he said that Andruw wore a wig and it kept him from being convicted ... complete fool!"

I really wouldn't doubt that being the reaction ... but all I was suggesting was that had it been so suspected, it's a pretty good bet that he would have been ... we'll never really know but some things are best kept in the closet.

Acquitted by but a single vote, he would be later returned by the folks of the mighty Tennessee to that same body what almost done him in.

The fact that we returned him was not an indication that we didn't want him either ... he was a good man, methinks.; August 30, 2008 6:04 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: After much consideration and consternation, I have decided to come out strongly as an undecided in jimmy smith's quest for the White House. It is my observation that playing hard to get allows for much more personal attention and better seats for all future events.

Those whom come out too early are often taken for granted and cast aside like a pair of old shoes... So suck up jimmy smith, suck up... Uh... lots of unmarked twenty dollar bills is a good start....; August 30, 2008 6:26 PM
Gil In Mechanicsville said...: And Bob.. you had me going there for a minute... I thought you were talking about the former center fielder of the Braves... Of course he could have used a wig.... and may still need to so as to sneak out of LA...; August 30, 2008 6:28 PM
BOB said...: Sincere apologies Gil, I'm not the creative genius as you other guys ... had to use AJ with the Andruw misdirection to at least try to get past the "closet" ... until the end.

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.

So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to ... so God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.

He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.

She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.

She will always praise you!

She will bear your children ... and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.

She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman
like this cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

"What can I get for a rib?"; August 30, 2008 8:01 PM